Friday, April 18, 2014

Director of Operations and Chief Operating Officer

Have you seen this video? It went viral (which is a really yucky term in my opinion) here recently and I must say it brought tears to my eyes. I love that society is recognizing how hard moms work in their homes for their families (including having a full time job as well). 

However, I watched it as my extremely, down to the bone tired husband naps on the couch. He works so hard every day all week long so that I can stay home with the girls. He often does without earthy treasures and man-toys so we can eat and pay the electricity bill. He recently sold his truck with his toolbox on it (he is a carpenter by trade by the way) so he could work on buying us a minivan to hold our expanding family. He is up and out before the sun, works with his hands all day long building mansions for other people. On top of that, he's really good at handling my emotions via text in between setting cabinets or building master closets. He reminds me what a blessing my kids are and that I can do anything through Christ who gives me strength. 

Everyday he has to leave his family and go build homes for someone else. His kids are growing everyday and he is not there. Each day he misses the funny things that Madeleine says, and though still cute, they're not quite as funny coming from me. Every single day he misses the aha moments that make home education so fulfilling. He misses the sweet post-bath baby snuggles when she smells so good and is wrapped all nice and warm in my arms. 

He misses so many memories so that I don't have to. He works so incredibly hard. And in this family, I may be the director of operations but my wonderful husband is the chief executive officer and the leader of our home!! 

Ladies, friends, let's celebrate our men today. Thank your husbands for everything they do, whether you stay at home with your kids or not, whether your man is your husband or not. Thank him for being there and keeping you safe. 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Grace and Playdoh

So God knows me inside and out and I think I've mentioned on here he uses different things to talk to me because I have a hard time just being still. Wednesday night bible study left me feeling like I ran into a brick wall and He spoke to me plain as day!

It was a wonderful revelation. When I first had Madeleine, I held her close and loved on her and I prayed begging that she would just love me as deeply as I loved her. Well, He answered my prayers. She loves me more than anyone else in the whole wide world. I'm the best mummy she's ever had. She loves me to Mars and back (because it's farther than the moon). 
And she wants to be around me all the time. Just around me. All. The. Time. And for some reason (I think it has something to do with being an only child) I like to have some time without little hands on me. Even though that really was what I asked for. 

Then, God in his infinite wisdom and something of a sense of humor, did bless us with another daughter. From that I have realized through God what I have done with Madeleine. I love Charlie Ann. So deeply and wonderfully and I look at her little face and just pray that she will love me and love her Jesus as much as we love her. But when she does because my prayer has been answered I can't be surprised! Pray for rain and carry an umbrella right??

So why, oh why, have I turned on my Mae and started keeping her at arms length for doing exactly what I wanted her to do. I push her out of the kitchen because it's faster to make the food myself. I nudge her out of the laundry room so I can sort socks. I do and will continue to push her out of the bathroom for at least thismuch privacy! Egads!

And honestly I don't know why. But now, I've realized that I'm doing that and it is so not intentional. Today was awesome!! Full of grace and playdoh. Full of snuggles and teaming up on dishes. Full of cartoons and Fancy Nancy. So incredibly full of love. 

I slowed down today. I let her help. Instead of holding her at arms length, I bent my arm and wrapped it around her. 

My girls are my reward from heaven. I love them. I, through the grace of Jesus Christ, am loving them more intentionally. They will see more of Him than me from now on! <3

Monday, April 7, 2014

When plans don't go according to plan...

So today was MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) and I look forward to it every single month. We only have one month left and especially after the super fun crafty day we had I am really going to miss them and our quirky group. 

After that I had to go to the bank. Can I just say I really loathe going to the bank. Every time I lose my patience at times or my precious daughter, I try to stop and think "what is God trying to teach me here" well now, at the bank you don't even really deal with people. You deal with a guy on a webcam, so when your 3 year old tells you she has to go potty...too bad, you pray she can hold it because you didn't bring her a change of clothes. When she dumps the box of crayons all over the floor, you have to bribe her with rainbow candy because you can't, like stop and breathe. Then when you've discovered she's grabbed another three pieces by very sneakily getting into your purse and you reach down and pop her hands and she starts crying and then the baby who was sleeping starts crying...that's too bad. You still have to jump up and scan something or type something in because it's not a real person!!! 

Then, as we are heading home to a home full of laundry begging to be cleaned, my darling husband calls me and needs me to bring him a new battery for the truck...despite having babies with me and not enough funds...soooooo back to the bank. Then I did get a beautiful drive up to Comfort, Texas to go deliver it. 

Upon sensing my frustration and prayers to calm my riled up heart and snapping at my darling girl, God sent a thunderstorm and a lovely Psalm. 

My day didn't go as planned. I will not let it get the best of me. My husband loves me even though I didn't get the laundry done. My kids love me even though I didn't have time to have 15 cups of "tea" with my darling girl. My God loves me enough to send his only son to die the worst death in the cross for my sins, those committed and those I am going to commit and he didn't out any stipulations like "as long as she gets the laundry done, I'll forgive her sins and love her." 

One if my favorite verses: Romans 5:8

Good night everyone. Hug your kids and kiss your spouse!

Here's something I found the other day. I like my posts to have pictures so there ya go. <3

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Not Right Now

This song was introduced to me just this past Friday. I can't get it out of my head.

I know someday. I know somehow I'll be okay...but not right now. Not right now.

I feel like I'm supposed to feel better now. I mean, Charlotte is already 2 months old. Everyone looks at me like its time for me to feel better. I'm really trying to. I'm immersing myself into things to distract myself. I'm snuggling my little ones to remind myself how incredibly blessed I am to be their mommy. I'm being discipled by a wonderful woman of God who truly seems to get where I am. When I feel the darkness move over me, I pray, I recite scripture, I have some water and eventually it passes.

But it's just so damn exhausting being needed all the time. And I dont mean wanted around because people enjoy your cleverness and how funny you are. No, I mean down and dirty needed or they'll die kind of needed. No one tells you about that part of motherhood because it's not in the movies. It's not politically correct to say for one damn minute I want to just not be needed. Because I need too. no...that just makes you sound selfish and immature. I mean come on...a woman...that needs?? how dare she!!

And dont say that Jesus is enough. I know that He should be. But I dont feel his hands rub my back after I've bounced a baby down the hall for hours and hours in the middle of the night. I dont feel him push back my hair and kiss my forehead and tell me that I'm beautiful even in the middle of my mess. I dont see him coming with tea and chocolates to just hang out with me.  

People ask me how I'm doing and I say I'm fine because they don't really care. Or they care but they ask me in me, you don't have the time to hear how I really feel.

I've been praying for joy to be given back to me. Like, fully given back to me in place of the guilt and loneliness I have instead.

But you know what, right now, I'm not okay. And I am getting on second by second, minute by minute, day by day. But don't tell me it will be okay. Just sit with me in the ashes here. Hold my hand as we pray for peace.

I know that I will be okay. Someday, somehow...but not right now...

not right now.

Monday, February 17, 2014

So We Are Getting Rid of the Chickens

We sold the rabbits today. We are trying to give our chickens away (no we won't eat them- they're not mean ole roosters) and our quail are next. 

Joe has decided he wants to turn our mini farm/homestead into an actual home instead! Haha

We both work too hard all day to have to continue to work. We recently visited a friends house that has their back yard turned into an outdoor child's paradise! He said he wants that for our kids. Somewhere we can host and have all the kids over because right now, our back yard is home to three chickens and that's it. Total wasted space. 

We are also on a mission to redo our floors which means we have lots of crud to move around. I'm making it my mission to continue my dream of getting rid of everything! 

“If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” (Mt 19:21)

We have too much! We don't need 47 cups! We don't need an entire drawer dedicated to socks. Our closet is packed full and all the clothes we actually wear are sitting on my vanity waiting to be shoved I there. I should just donate everything that's hanging and start fresh!

I've done pretty well at culling the girls room. And I have significantly culled my craft area (I still need more work in that department) but it's coming along. I've started going through our books on the front porch and if joe doesn't take them to the flea market by march, I'm either burning the ones that can't be donated and calling Salvation Army for the rest. (There are tons of old text books and teaching materials that are no longer valid that no one wants. And we like bonfires!) 

Our house is not relaxing. It is not a place of comfort. It is a place of stress for both of us. 

I just wish I knew what to do. I need a to do list. 

Tomorrow, the books on the inside bookshelf are going out to make room for the books we actually want to keep. Right now our shelves are full of books to sell. 

Also I'm going through my clothes again. 

We will start there

Saturday, February 15, 2014

My Charlie Ann and Instagram

I realize that not everyone gets to see the totes adorbs pictures of my littles as often as I'm sure you want to. Well, I had forgotten about Instagram! A way to show pictures and status updates without the draaaama of Facebook. 

I'm @scrapbooksara should you desire to follow me. You'll get more cute pictures there I'm sure. Also, you could come by and visit. We are always home and we make the best sweet tea!

Also my last two blog titles rhyme and that makes me happy inside because I totally didn't plan it!

Friday, February 14, 2014

My Maddie Mae and Ferrero Rocher

My girl is getting so big! Sometimes I hold Charlie Ann and think, there's no way Mae was this tiny. Just now I peeked in to make sure she was asleep and her big ole honkin' feet were up on the wall and I am amazed at how big they were. They look just the same as when she was a baby all puffy on top with her little squidgy pinky toe nail. 
Tonight, she was tired and had a brief moment of disobedience and chose to not listen to her mommy repeatedly in front of her father. That earned her a spank and a time out in her room from Daddy. When she came back in and still chose to not listen for the second time, I marched her back to her room for another time out. This time she clung to me and begged me "Mommy sing to me! Sing to me to calm me down!" Well how could I not? So I sat with her on my lap and I rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while I rocked her I sang "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." She then kissed me and we went back to the living room and she was ready to listen. 

Well tonight after her look and find book she chose for bedtime story, she grabbed my hand and looked me straight in the eyes and sang "love you forever, as long as I'm living, my mommy will be." 

And the day melts away. Until I go into the bedroom, and upon announcing that I think I have growing pains in my legs. I say "but I'm pretty sure I'm done growing" my funny husband says "up anyway..." Shortly thereafter I'm being showered with compliments about how good I look and how he knows I'm not growing out. This time I was able to laugh it off, a testament as to how far I've come over the last few weeks. Three weeks ago I would still be crying about it. 

Tonight, I grab an extra Ferrero Rocher. :-)

Happy Valentines day everyone!