Thursday, April 10, 2014

Grace and Playdoh


So God knows me inside and out and I think I've mentioned on here he uses different things to talk to me because I have a hard time just being still. Wednesday night bible study left me feeling like I ran into a brick wall and He spoke to me plain as day!

It was a wonderful revelation. When I first had Madeleine, I held her close and loved on her and I prayed begging that she would just love me as deeply as I loved her. Well, He answered my prayers. She loves me more than anyone else in the whole wide world. I'm the best mummy she's ever had. She loves me to Mars and back (because it's farther than the moon). 
And she wants to be around me all the time. Just around me. All. The. Time. And for some reason (I think it has something to do with being an only child) I like to have some time without little hands on me. Even though that really was what I asked for. 

Then, God in his infinite wisdom and something of a sense of humor, did bless us with another daughter. From that I have realized through God what I have done with Madeleine. I love Charlie Ann. So deeply and wonderfully and I look at her little face and just pray that she will love me and love her Jesus as much as we love her. But when she does because my prayer has been answered I can't be surprised! Pray for rain and carry an umbrella right??

So why, oh why, have I turned on my Mae and started keeping her at arms length for doing exactly what I wanted her to do. I push her out of the kitchen because it's faster to make the food myself. I nudge her out of the laundry room so I can sort socks. I do and will continue to push her out of the bathroom for at least thismuch privacy! Egads!

And honestly I don't know why. But now, I've realized that I'm doing that and it is so not intentional. Today was awesome!! Full of grace and playdoh. Full of snuggles and teaming up on dishes. Full of cartoons and Fancy Nancy. So incredibly full of love. 

I slowed down today. I let her help. Instead of holding her at arms length, I bent my arm and wrapped it around her. 

My girls are my reward from heaven. I love them. I, through the grace of Jesus Christ, am loving them more intentionally. They will see more of Him than me from now on! <3